


if you could only see the beast you've made of me

by penthepoet



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Personas (Persona Series), Animal Instincts, Just Generally Horror/Romance Up In Here, M/M, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Prey Animal Death, Psychological Horror, Romance, Stalking, Yandere!Tohru Adachi, a bit angsty, kind of Yandere?, like. a rabbit gets killed by tohru, specifically animalistic urges and just general feral stuff, written for halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-01-12 22:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21233588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penthepoet/pseuds/penthepoet
Summary: In a world where people who repress their emotions too much turn feral in a process known as Emotiothropy/Feral Repression Syndrome, Tohru Adachi is repressing his romantic feelings for his coworker, Ryotaro Dojima.As he slowly becomes more animalistic, he and Dojima set out to catch another with the same strain of Emotiothropy: none other than Namatame, pursuing Mayumi Yamano.Will Adachi gain the courage to express his feelings to Dojima before Feral Repression Syndrome turns him into a mindless creature? Or will he be lost forever to his instincts?---------------------------------Title taken from Howl by Florence + the Machine.





	1. part I: onset

Tohru Adachi has an issue. 

It’s something he wouldn’t tell any earthly soul, of course. He’s too afraid to. He’d never thought he’d acknowledge it, but he’s chicken-shit cowardly, too afraid to face it.

That ‘it’, of course, is his infatuation with his older coworker, Ryotaro Dojima. The infatuation he’s sunk down deep in his chest, repressed to hell and back - the most dangerous thing he could have possibly done, in a world like this.

And now it’s led to this - Tohru Adachi, with a rabbit dangling from his jaws, prey for his _ mate _.

The rabbit kicks and struggles, squealing, but Adachi knows better. He sinks his teeth in further, feeling the sickening crunch under his teeth, and its struggles cease. The metallic tang of blood floods his mouth, yet he doesn’t flinch.

He thinks on what got him here, in the side of his mind while he sets to killing the rabbit.

-

“Feral Repression Syndrome is- _ ADACHI!” _

Adachi feels the knock right there at his head, whining. 

Dojima’s giving him a loaded glare. “Were you listening? … actually, scratch that, I know you weren’t. You were staring off into the corner.” 

Adachi rubs the back of his head. “S-Sorry, Dojima-san. Could you go over it again for me?”

Dojima sighs, rubbing his temple. “What am I gonna do with you, Adachi..” Yet, he’s kind enough to continue.

“Feral Repression Syndrome, better known as Emotiothropy. You’ve heard of it, right? It’s a pretty infamous mental illness that sets in when someone represses a feeling too much. It can be grief, anger, attraction to someone.. but either way, it causes them to go into survival mode, revert to their base instincts.” 

Dojima draws a few crappy drawings on the whiteboard with erasable marker to add to his point. 

“There’s a lot of misinformation about it out there. Most people seem to insist it alters its victim’s bodies on an extreme level according to the emotion they’re repressing, but that _ only _ comes with certain strains of it - and only in rare cases. Most physical changes are minor. Stuff like the eyes, teeth, nails.”

Adachi bottles up a yawn. “Why are we discussing this again?” he asks, trying to restrain his boredom.

“Because we have a case in Inaba. Attraction, in this case.”

That gets Adachi’s attention.

“Well, how do we know that?”

Dojima scoffs. “Anonymous source tipped us off. It’s no secret Mayumi Yamano - the famous reporter - is in town, right? Moved here to escape the controversy with her new affair with that actor, Enji Tadamaki or something like that.”

Adachi sighs, nodding. “Yeah? And this matters.. how?”

“Taro Namatame is repressing his feelings for her, and is starting to show signs of onset for FRS of the affection strain - sorry, Philiathropy for short. It doesn’t look like he’ll be treating them.”

Adachi lets out a silent “oh, shit, Namatame?” and scribbles down a few notes.

“Again, how do we know he’s going feral, aside from the tip?”

Dojima turns to the board again, sketching out a flow chart with four stages. “For starters, his eyes have started to change color to golden. Our source sent us pictures of him putting contacts in to hide it.”

“So that’s a smoking gun. But we don’t know if he’s demonstrating the other signs of onset of Philiathropy - you know, craving her presence, shivering, eating more meat, sharper senses, the works.” 

“He’s been shivering constantly. Taking more deliveries at the Amagi Inn than usual. Can’t testify to that last one, but, uh.. he did finish the Beef Bowl Challenge last night.”

That floors Adachi. “Wait, ** _WHAT?_ ** He finished the Beef Bowl Challenge? Bullshit!”

Dojima shakes his head, showing pictures of it.

“And he tried to order _ another _ before someone stopped him.”

“Well, that’ll do it.”

Dojima sighs. “We’re both going to be on the case this time. I hope you don’t let me down.”

“Sure thing, Dojima-san.”

Adachi looks up at Dojima, blinking.

… is it just him, or is the light hitting Dojima just right? Because Dojima suddenly seems.. a lot more good looking. 

Maybe it’s his arms, with those rolled-up sleeves. _ He’s not allowed to wear that shirt anymore, _Adachi thinks privately.

Maybe it’s how he fills out that shirt of his, every muscle toned and rippling with every breath. For how crotchety the bastard is, Adachi begrudgingly admits that Dojima has not only kept his good looks, but kept in shape, too.

Maybe it’s those eyes, stern but understanding -

Adachi sighs, shaking himself out of it. 

Time to get back to work.

-

So maybe Adachi’s disgustingly hungry when he gets back home. 

He rifles through his kitchen - damn, it’s so hard to find something appealing in his place. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but it sucks. 

He even bites into a cabbage, but it doesn’t help with the hunger. 

His fist slams into the wall, thankfully not leaving a hole. 

That’s when he thinks of earlier, with the Beef Bowl Challenge - a beef bowl, eh? He can go for a beef bowl right about now.

… actually, it sounds mouthwateringly good right about now. He doesn’t realize he’s drooling until about a minute later, when he sighs and wipes it off with a paper towel from the kitchen. 

After a quick call to Aiya’s Beef Bowl Shop, he’s pacing his apartment. It feels so cold in here. That must be why he’s shivering so much. His fingers tap against the pockets of his pants. 

He sniffs. It smells kind of disgusting in his house. Maybe he should get to cleaning that soon. Spraying something to cover it up. 

Regardless, the doorbell rings and suddenly he runs for the door, flinging it open. “Three orders of beef...” 

The yen’s passed from hand to hand, he blurts out a “thank you,” and the order is taken from her hand.

He slams the door a lot harder than expected, placing the order down and getting it open. 

Three orders of Beef Bowls. The smell is even more salivating than he expected, and the shivering grows further. “God_ damn.” _His eyes dilate.

He tears into the meal. Even with a plastic fork, he stuffs the meat into his mouth like he truly depends on every piece. He moans, leaning back in his chair. _ Fuck, _beef has never tasted this good. It’s an almost orgasmic experience.

Did they add something new to the meal? He doesn’t know, but it feels like he can taste every layer of the meal, making it even better than before. 

He licks his lips. 

Well, he’ll definitely be ordering seconds tomorrow. He throws out the cartons - he ate all three orders, after all.

He gets himself cleaned up, sliding into bed. 

His thoughts drift back to Dojima in that moment when the light hit him just so. 

Adachi hugs himself thinking of it. Dojima had seemed so wonderful then, so nice and.. non-grumpy. 

Dojima’s been far kinder to him than other supervisors, he thinks. Taking Adachi into his life, inviting him to dinners at his house, introducing him to his own daughter, and more. 

Of course, he’s still a bit of a stiff in the ways that matter - Adachi shudders at all the times he’s been yelled at for not making coffee to Dojima’s exacting specifications - but for some morbidly unhinged reason, he finds he’s looking forward to work tomorrow. Maybe to butter Dojima up a bit more for some actual respect.

He passes out, and dreams of Ryotaro Dojima.


	2. part II: pursuit/stalking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tohru finds himself drawn further to Dojima.

If Tohru Adachi hangs around Ryotaro Dojima more often during work that day, straying a little bit closer, it passes by the notice of all the others in Inaba.

Now that he’s seen Dojima in that light, he can’t  _ un _ see it. He keeps staring at Dojima, trying to understand what made him so attractive in that moment to the exclusion of all else. 

Of course, his wonderful view does come with a price - Dojima hits him more than once with office supplies when they get back to the office.

But it’s worth it, if only to see more of him.

They’re going around town, asking about Taro Namatame. Supposedly, his Philiathropy has progressed into Stage II - the Pursuit stage, where the affected stalk their victims and attempt to learn more about their interests. It hasn’t escaped Mayumi’s notice, and she’s been put under further watch by the police in order to ensure her safety. 

Adachi doesn’t give a damn about any of it - he’s just glad he has this wonderful opportunity to be around Dojima without irritating him too much. He seems to put sincere effort into work that day, trying to impress the older man a bit with his skill. 

He wasn’t top of his class at the academy for nothing, after all. And despite his usual lackadaisical behavior.. he can be so eerily  _ competent _ when he wants to be.

The questions he asks lead to breakthroughs and new leads on his behavior, and he ends up tracking down more surveillance footage of Namatame with hyper precision when they get back to the office. Adachi smiles as he zooms in on one particular bit of footage, showing off Namatame’s nails. “See? They’ve gotten sharper. A dead giveaway - he’s in Stage II.” 

All of this leaves Dojima impressed. Impressed enough, even, to reward Adachi with a tantalizing pat on the shoulder, a smile, and a stunned chuckle. “You really do find ways to surprise me, don’t you, Adachi..” he says, shaking his head, and Adachi’s suddenly swimming in bliss. 

He feels better than any sort of alcoholic drink or high, just by being around Dojima, stealing small touches along the man’s shoulder and arm when he can. He has to repress a shiver at how much Dojima’s praise magnifies it all. **_finally, some respect,_** his mind says at the surface, but deep down, his mind croons **_finally, you recognize how much you need me in your life._**

As they walk together, he tries his hardest to review all of the information he’s learned already in his head about Dojima - mainly, his coffee preferences. Rationalizing what he’s doing by writing it off as more attempts to “butter Dojima up” rings hollow, in his head. 

Deep down, he knows the truth - it feels instinctual, perfectly natural to him, for him to review these facts in his head. He doesn’t  _ need _ to rationalize them. Why should he? 

He smiles softly to himself as he once more snags a small brush of his fingers along Dojima’s shoulder. His fingernails are a little sharper than usual, but it’s nothing he recognizes immediately.

No, that’s saved for when he gets home and takes a look in the mirror.

He’s not an idiot - he recognizes the tint in his eyes has turned a little lighter, suspiciously close to honey brown. He stares at his fingernails, sharp enough to count as claws. 

He closes his eyes, grabbing his head and sighing. 

Well.. looks like he’ll just have to do a little touching up, here and there. 

He puts on one of his other pairs of contact lenses, smiling wide. As for the fingernails.. he gets them filed away, nice and easy. He smiles when he’s done. Finally, he looks like he blends in. 

Nobody has to know about his little secret, especially not Ryotaro Dojima. 

After all, there’s nothing he’s repressing.

* * *

His curiosity gets the best of him. At dinners, he starts asking Nanako a question here and there about Dojima, when his back is turned. 

What better way to find out the most inconspicuous facts about a man than through his children? He’s mentally exulting over his plan, because he finds out a whole slew of impossibly mundane facts about Dojima from there. 

His favorite food -  _ yaki-gyoza, drizzled with a mirin/soy sauce combo.  _ The radio channel he plays in the mornings when he gets ready for work -  _ Good Morning Inaba, channel 475.3.  _ His favorite brand of coffee -  _ UCC, The Blend 117.  _ Even the TV show he leaves on when he does paperwork at home -  _ JunesLive Station, purely to make Nanako smile.  _

He squares it all away.

* * *

When Dojima finds that Adachi’s started bringing bags of his favorite coffee to work to brew specifically for  _ him,  _ just the way he likes it.. 

Well, it’s not unwelcome. Something that Dojima certainly marvels at. 

Adachi’s never brewed coffee better, never worked harder than now, but why is he putting so much effort in recently? It’s a far cry from the lazy-ass rookie who used to haunt him so much.

It’s irking Dojima a lot, much like the fact that he feels he’s being watched a lot more lately. He can feel it most in the nights when he’s coming home from work and Adachi’s already at home. A piercing gaze, waiting in the dark for him. He’d say it almost feels  _ hungry,  _ if he had to put a descriptor to it.

He thinks he hears the click of a camera, once or twice, and he tries to run towards the sound - but he never catches the person doing it. It’s got him paranoid, seeing shadows in every corner. 

He asks Adachi to come over a bit more, walk home with him a bit more, because there’s something about his partner being there that calms him down.

* * *

There’s a new addition to Adachi’s house, tucked away in a little compartment in his closet nobody will find unless they’re looking for it.

Inside is all sorts of pictures of Ryotaro Dojima. Sleeping, smiling, eating, laughing, it doesn’t make a difference. Anything where Adachi feels he’s captured the very essence of what makes Dojima-san so damn striking. 

He looks in it when he’s particularly down, and it always seems to brighten him up, gives him a little hit of that drug Dojima’s become. 

He’s started thinking of Dojima as his mate.

** _Like my workmate, _ ** his mind says at the surface, but deep down, his mind croons  ** _like my soulmate, my packmate. _ **


	3. part III: courting

Adachi knows it’s getting worse. He knows, but he can’t stop himself. How can he even bear to? 

Being near Dojima - it’s become something that he can’t quite get out of his head. More than a drug, more than a taste of happiness. It is everything to him, all-consuming and so very _ right. _

Many people at the office used to joke about Adachi and Dojima being workwives, considering how often the two seemed to be close to each other in and out of work. Now, due to Dojima’s paranoia and Adachi’s newfound protectiveness, the two have become inseparable. It’s disconcerting to some in the office, but even more so to others in Inaba.

Yu Narukami, for example, is staring down Adachi during that Sunday night’s dinner. Adachi’s getting awfully clingy with Dojima. Adachi’s arm loops around Dojima’s shoulder, his gaze constantly flicking towards Dojima nine times out of ten.

It’s so obvious. Something’s going on with Adachi. He doesn’t act like this. He _ knows _Adachi shouldn’t be coming over this often, either. So when Dojima moves to put Nanako to bed, Narukami grabs Adachi’s shoulder.

“Adachi-san. What are you doing with my uncle?”

Adachi stops mid-bite of his food. His gaze flicks to Yu Narukami. He’s always been tense around the kid. He’s always been afraid that somehow, somewhere, that kid will steal everything that was right in his family - everything that’s _ his, _like Dojima-san is.

One of his hands - the one he’s resting on the table, clenches. “It’s nothing!” he says in his usual cheery tone, but Yu Narukami’s gaze sharpens. 

“I know there’s something wrong here. You don’t - you don’t act like this. You’re not this physically affectionate with him. Did something happen?”

“It’s none of your business,” Adachi chirps, finishing the bite of his food. He’s moving to get another when the grip Narukami has on his shoulder tightens. “I can see how much more afraid my uncle’s getting lately. Somebody’s stalking him. Are you _ sure _ something didn’t happen? That you haven’t seen who it is?”

“I haven’t. Look, shouldn’t you be focusing on things like your schoolwork?”

Yu Narukami sighs. He’s about to drop it right then and there when he notices something.

Adachi’s canine teeth are a lot sharper than usual. A little bit longer. Almost like the fangs of somebody affected by Philiathropy.

Narukami’s eyes widen. “You’re… you’re… you’re repressing your feelings for my uncle. Aren’t you?”

Adachi’s whole body goes bone still right then and there. One of his contacts falls out to reveal a single, glowing yellow eye. There’s a moment of utter silence between the two.

Then Adachi’s hands reach out and wrap around Narukami’s throat, pressing the younger boy down to the floor. “How ** _dare _ ** you? Ignorant little _ brat, _ lying to my face - I don’t have Philiathropy - but you’re trying to break me and him up, trying to shove me out of this _ family, _ where I ** _belong…_ **”

“A-Adachi… Adachi…” Narukami wheezes.

Adachi bares his fangs, snapping them at him as he continues. “You won’t say a single damn _ word _about this unless you want me to maul one of your friends, like that Rise girl...”

“Adachi… the stairs…” 

Adachi goes still. He hears footsteps coming down the stairs. 

Immediately, he swings off of Narukami, sliding his one fallen-out contact back in and turning to give a closed-lips smile to Dojima. The change is so sudden it gives Narukami emotional whiplash. 

“No need to worry, Dojima-san! Me and the kid were just talking about his schoolwork. Isn’t that right?” Adachi’s face cranes towards Narukami, away from Dojima’s view. He flashes one last baring of his fangs. Narukami gets the message. He stares at Adachi. 

He almost feels sorry for the other man - _ almost. _

Narukami’s face perks up into a calm smile. “Adachi-san gave me some good advice.”

Someday he’d confront Adachi about it again, but today was not going to be that day - especially with how sharp Adachi’s fangs had looked.

* * *

Adachi’s got a deep need to give Dojima something. It needs to be something special. Something that Dojima would remember. He’s been wracking his brain over it the past few days while he’s been doing paperwork.

They’re at work, and Dojima’s talking about what Namatame’s been leaving at Mayumi’s door.   
  
“He’s giving her all sorts of trophies at her doorstep. Including the head of Enji Tadamaki. Adachi… shit, we’ve got to get this handled. He’s flying off the deep end - at Stage III of FRD at the _ least. _If we don’t act soon, he’ll go full- Adachi, are you listening? ADACHI?!”

Adachi snaps out of it, grunting. “Yeah?”

“Were you listening to a goddamn word I said?!”

“Something about Namatame leaving heads on doorsteps…” 

And that’s exactly when what he could give Dojima clicks in his head. 

His family, after all - dear little Nanako and his mate Dojima - needs to be provided for, needs _ food. _

* * *

He goes out into the woods. He leaves the contacts at home. He leaves his phone there, too. He doesn’t need anybody tracking him down out here. He’s sure to dress in clothes he can afford to stain. Goodbye, old workshirt and shitty jeans - hello, dark woods near Inaba that he’s never been in before. The place creaks. He can hear everything, _ everything, _even down to the heartbeats of the sleeping birds in the trees. 

His breathing quiets. He tries to calm his heartbeat, too. This whole endeavor has him a lot more excited than he’s been in a long while over something non-Dojima related. The urge to hunt for his mate is flooding his mind, those primal instincts he’s long since repressed. 

He can’t help it - he sinks down to his knees, down on all fours, and takes a long smell of the air. A particularly _ fast _ heartbeat pounds out close by him. The thud of paws over the leaves.

Instantly, his body takes off. The feeling of hunting is something he _ revels _in. He’s never been particularly athletic, but when he runs towards that sound, he runs with everything he has. 

His hands (claws, more accurately) pound against the ground, and he pounces on whatever was making the noise, gripping it tightly in his claws. The annoying squeals of a rabbit echo through the air. Adachi’s panting. ** _“Perfect,_ **” he snarls, looking down at the frightened and kicking rabbit with a predator’s maw of fangs.

This rabbit would be a perfect meal for his mate.

He thinks of his _ mate _\- Ryotaro Dojima - and without hesitation, he places its body in-between his jaws. 

He thinks of what got him here. The last vestiges of his dignity put up a fight, but those hungry thoughts of his know best, and just as he sinks his teeth into the rabbit, he finally gives in.

He soon spits it out, cleaning off his mouth. He’s got to place this at Ryotaro’s door - or somewhere where it wouldn’t scare poor Nanako.

The next day, Ryotaro Dojima wakes up to a dead, mauled rabbit on his night-stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated this fic? It's a 2020 miracle!
> 
> I've got an idea for a fic where Adachi kills Rise and the natural consequences that would come from that (mainly, Narukami being furious). Don't think it's really fanfic material, though...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Maybe I can get this fanfic all settled up during these next few months.


	4. part iv: remission/terminal

Ryotaro should have realized something was going on much sooner than he did. In hindsight, Adachi had been acting far stranger than usual lately, more… clingy? The coffee was one thing, following him home was one thing, but this couldn’t be a mistake. And Adachi’s teeth had been a little bit sharper than usual lately, he’d been working so much harder…

Ryotaro calls up the station. “Where’s Adachi?” are the first words that fly out of his mouth.

“S-Sir, I don’t know how to break this to you, but…”

“But ** _what?_ **” 

“He’s missing. Didn’t show up to work today - right when we need him the most. …Shit, we need to get over to the Amagi Inn as soon as possible.”

“What? Why?”

“Namatame’s gone feral. We’ll have to sedate and restrain him.”

* * *

Seeing Taro Namatame, a man he’d personally known, in such a feral state wasn’t doing any favors for Ryotaro’s mental health right now. The man was deceptively strong, and Feral Repression Syndrome only made it worse in his case. 

Namatame snarls at Ryotaro, snapping at his throat. **“Where is she… where did you take her… she’s ** ** _mine, _ ** **Mayumi Yamano is ** ** _mine…_ ** _ ” _

Ryotaro puts his taser out in front of him. “She’s somewhere safe! Get - get OFF of me!”

He’s silently praying he doesn’t have to use it, but he knows he’s already going to have to by the end of this encounter. There’s no way that Namatame is going to let this go.

Namatame puts his hands on Ryotaro’s neck, squeezing, and Ryotaro sets off the taser. It zooms forward, hitting Namatame right in the chest and making him scream with agony. Ryotaro wants to look away, but he has an obligation to do this - to keep staring at the problem he could not fix, the situation that can’t be undone. 

And his heart _ aches _knowing Tohru’s going through the same thing. He stumbles away from Namatame, turning off the taser and seeing the now unconscious creature - not even a man anymore, considering how far gone Namatame is - be dragged off by other policemen. 

He can’t do this. He can’t sit by and watch his partner wither away due to his own stubborn ignoring of his own feelings. He has to put an end to this. 

* * *

After a little asking around town, Ryotaro ventures out into the woods. The branches claw at his legs, the brambles thick. How the hell could the guy even have gotten this deep into the woods? It’s not natural, it’s not right, but he sighs upon realizing that Feral Repression Syndrome could make it more than possible. 

“I’m… I’m going to do this,” he murmurs to himself, “I have to save you from yourself, you damn idiot…” His hand clenches tighter around the flashlight he’s holding, trying to find the man’s tracks. He’s cursing himself for his own stupidity, cursing himself out when he finally comes across a cave.

Adachi’s wallet lies outside it. Ryotaro bends down to pick it up, examining how dirty it is. “There you are.” The picture of Adachi is old, back when he’d just been put on the force. He looks so hopeful, so happy… so unlike the layabout Adachi that Ryotaro’s grown so accustomed to. Maybe that kid’s still inside him, Ryotaro thinks. Maybe he can make things right, and do what he should have done a long time ago…

Ryotaro can hear shuffling around in the cave, the sound of claws scraping against stone. He looks up, readying his taser, before he hears Adachi - recognizably _ Adachi - _begin to murmur to himself.

“My mate, mine, mine, my _ family, _where I belong… need them, need to provide for them, need them as mine, need to go to them…” His usually high-pitched voice is lower, darker, hitting tones that make Ryotaro’s blood go cold. Adachi had been hiding this side of himself all along… shit, the guy was a better actor than Ryotaro ever gave him credit for.

“Jesus christ,” Ryotaro breathes to himself, and Adachi’s reaction to that is instant. 

“Mine… where is he… where is he…?!” he snarls, and the scraping against stone grows louder still. 

Ryotaro hesitates, but after a few deep breaths, he finally steps further into the cave, further towards the scraping of claws. “Adachi. It’s me. Ryotaro. I’m here… there’s no need to worry anymore,” he says, in a slow and calming tone. 

Instantly, Adachi rushes towards him, and when Ryotaro turns on the flashlight, he feels his heart sink in his chest. 

The man’s more of a mess than he’s ever been, his shirt torn and bloody, baring sharp fangs and gleaming claws and eyes that pulse yellow. He’s clutching the red tie Ryotaro gave him in one of his claws, shivering, rubbing into it. He looks up at Ryotaro, his breathing more animalistic and slow - like fucking _ panting, _Ryotaro thinks - and smiles wide.

“My mate… I hid it for so long… didn’t wanna acknowledge it… didn’t even wanna think about it…” Adachi pants, still staring at Ryotaro with those wholly unnatural eyes. 

Ryotaro blinks as it finally hits him. He knew Adachi had Feral Repression Syndrome, but…

“You’re in love with me,” he says, and Adachi nods. Ryotaro puts a hand on his own face, letting it run down as he takes a step back with shock and trips back into the hard stone floor. Pain shoots along his back, and he hisses out a curse word as Adachi scrambles closer towards him. 

“You’ve made me _ undone,” _ Adachi hisses with effort. “... I… that sane part of me… it _ hates _you for being the way you are, so damn… friendly and willing to take me in and… uncorrupted by this shitty world. It wants to get rid of you… so badly… but…”

Ryotaro pauses, staring at Adachi. “Go on.”

“... but it can’t. I… I’ve been so hungry… for something to look forward to in this shitty world… you, n’ Nanako… you are my heaven, you are **mine, **my mate, and I can’t let you go.”

Adachi rasps hollow laughter. “You broke it, D-Dojima-san, you brought it. I don’t care if you hate me, or don’t want me, I’m ** _yours _ ** and you are ** _mine _ **and I can’t stand the thought of another one of those stupid bitches trying to take you from me.”

Ryotaro bites his lip.

… He does care for Adachi. He has, for a while, even if he’s never consciously recognized it. He loves Adachi, sees him as part of the family, as somebody to depend on, and nothing can change that. The man’s the exact opposite of Chisato, in all the best ways, and Ryotaro can’t help but be drawn to that, want that too -

He’s snapped out of his thoughts by the feral Adachi in front of him snarling. “I have always had this inside of me, and I have tried so hard to hide it because people don’t appreciate a cynical little wash-up hungry for more telling them that their stupid dreams will never come true. It will remain even when… _ this _… leaves. Now that you’ve seen this - this horrible thing I am - will you take me or leave me? You know how to fix this before I lose myself. You know what you have to do.”

Ryotaro’s hands are trembling. He unties his tie, mentally affirming to himself.

_ This is a part of Adachi. _

His hands unfasten the tie, slipping it off.

_ It has always been part of him. _

He unbuttons part of his shirt, enough to expose his neck and shoulder. To cure Philiathropy, the love needs to be acknowledged, the object of affections “claimed” in some way. The bite mark was the best method for the moment, the lasting method, and it always scarred. 

_ And it will never leave him. _

He bares his neck to Adachi.

“Do what you have to.” He braces himself for the pain he knows is coming, the sting of the fangs piercing through, closing his eyes. On some level, he’s fairly certain he deserves this for how much he’s chewed out Adachi at work, tough love or not. 

And Adachi takes his time pawing over, pulling Ryotaro close. Adachi sinks his teeth right into the junction between Ryotaro’s neck and shoulder, easing his teeth further into the wound with an agonizingly slow pace. Ryotaro hisses with pain, but makes no move to push the other man away. It _ aches, _in the same relieving way of pulling out a loose tooth from your gums, and Ryotaro’s eyes flutter open with an epiphany.

Adachi was never Chisato. He’s his own beast, a creature of duality - a smiling, ineffectual Jester and a ravenously Hungry monster just waiting to feast. Love for him is greater than just a feeling - it’s bonedeep, half playful desire and half breathtakingly large lust. If he can’t have somebody to indulge him in both, his Hunger would practically burn all of the “shitty world” he detests so much alive. 

To accept Adachi, to _ love _Adachi as he needs to be loved, to take his breath and save him from spiralling into destruction, is to accept all of him, even this newfound hunger of his. 

And if one gives themselves up fully to Adachi, Adachi will try his hardest to give himself up wholly in turn, bit by bit, moment by moment and day by day. To love and be loved by Adachi is more than religion, is more than rules. It's primal and deeper than flesh, down to the core. Ryotaro can feel Adachi’s love there, feel the ache of Adachi biting into his shoulder, the murmured words of need as Adachi pulls his teeth out of Ryotaro’s shoulder and pulls the older man closer, the way Adachi’s face nestles there into his chest, and he smiles.

“I love you too, Adachi.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed this fic.


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